a little sunday night (or monday morning) nostalgia

I find it hard to find inspiration to write these days. Or perhaps it’s hard for me to find the time. It’s not like there is a lack of events in my life. Perhaps I’m focusing my thoughts on them instead of creatively.

I have spent the last twenty minutes of my life looking at the Facebook pages of a few people from my high school that I was on the verge of deleting after I saw that it was the birthday of one person that I never particularly liked. One thing lead to another, I wished him happy birthday, which I’m pretty sure is the first real contact I’ve ever had with this person ever, and I deleted him as a friend. This got me thinking about some of his friends and I decided to look some of them up. One girl who was always quiet in school is now a writer of short fiction and is living in Boston. Another is an engineer married to a doctor who just spent her summer on vacation touring the Philippians, South Korea, and China. Someone else had died three years ago overseas and I just found out. This shoots a pang through my heart because although I only partied with him when we were eighteen or younger, I still wish that I would have known about it when it happened and I have just been living the last three years not knowing he was dead. Life is strange.

In other news my younger sister is pregnant. She told me about it about two months ago and I have been moody about it to say the least. Our family is really mad about it because they are all close-minded Catholics that believe that it is a sin to not be married and have a child, and they fully expected her to get married to him. In a previous post I have talked about how they were technically “engaged” for a time then they broke up, and like many toxic couples before them, they got back together. Shortly after this downward spiral on the emotional rollercoaster that is my sister, they found out Sarah was pregnant. She told me first which was good. I think I took it alright, all I said was “that….sucks…” but since it has sank in a little I am starting to get a little excited about having a little niece or nephew and I am determined to be the cool aunt. After this last week though, I might have to be more than that. On Tuesday night when I was at work Sarah texted me asking to be picked up from the hospital at 1:30am. I picked her up and she explained to me that her boyfriend had gotten in a drunken fight with his brother outside of their apartment. There were neighbors who tried to restrain him and Sarah locked the door with the chain but he broke it open, breaking the door in the process. Sarah was yelling at him to stop and he got so angry that he through her against the wall and punched her in the side. When the cops arrived and tried to restrain him, he apparently fought back pretty hard because one of his charges is assault on an officer. The cop punched him when he was trying to restrain J, knocking some of his teeth out. So now J is sitting in Jail for the next week or so, until his trial, the baby is OK still, and Sarah filed a restraining order. Hopefully she doesn’t go back to him. This is not the first time he showed his anger towards Sarah and they are tied to each other now, through this baby. I don’t know how she is going to survive, much less take care of someone else. If she thinks her life is hard now, she has no idea. I just have to try to be a supportive sister even though I don’t agree with how she is living her life, and it is no use telling her anything anymore. She ill just do whatever she wants to do no matter what. Stubborn Sarah is what everyone in the family calls her. I look back five years: before the baby, before Jeffery, back when she didn’t even like guys and she identified as a lesbian. I know gender is fluid but I found it easier to picture Sarah liking women than men. Jeffery was her first boyfriend and he treated her like shit. I guess we’ll just see whats to come. She has always had a tough life, but she hasn’t seen anything yet.

nocturnal

sky turns from navy

to an electric blue

broken by an orb of pink

growing slowly

over the Mississippi

A time not seen by many

when the day seems to slow

then speed up again

A man rides alone on his bicycle

weighed down by goods

from the corner 24 hour mart

a spider spins her web

invisibly in the corner of my porch

the air weighs heavy

alluding to the heat to come

a rare silence lulls over

the normally bustling street

broken only by the first birds chirping

and a siren perhaps miles away

as the world wakes up

i drink my tea to relax

smoke the last cigarette of the day

unable to sleep when the world is dark

finally able to lie down and let go

Tonights Cocktail: The Gin Fizz

wpid-20150806_231327.jpg

1.5 oz london dry gin (I used Tanqueray)

1 oz fresh lemon juice

.75 oz simple syrup

egg white

shake ingredients in a mixing tin with a little bit of ice

splash a little club soda in the bottom of your glass (DON’T SHAKE WITH THE REST OF THE DRINK. or do, it’ll be hilarious

strain into a highball over ice or a martini glass like I did. The former is the traditional way to prepare this classic cocktail.

Garnish with a lemon twist

The person I made this for tonight was someone who wanted a unique martini that wasn’t too sweet. I think that this was a good choice. The guys who order them come in about once a week to have a few of my Shipwrecks or Irish Trashcans. These are the type guys who have ordered a drink by saying “I don’t know surprise me” So after pulling 100 different drinks out of my ass they finally found 3 or 4 that they drink usually in the same order every Thursday. These guys are college kids, I think they turned 21 recently. They talk about playing golf and smoking weed. Total fratbros, but pretty entertaining nonetheless.

Finally moved!

We’re finally moved into our new place. This whole last weekend up until today has been me running around packing stuff, moving things, changing our address for everything, and also listening to and supporting my boyfriend who was initially excited about this place but due to some electrical issues he is less so.  None of the upstairs outlets are grounded so it is pretty unsafe, especially since he has a gaming pc and is touchy about it. We have a nice big backyard with a firepit which makes Tiki happy. We also just got our internet hooked up.

A good thing about this place is that I can finally start on some crafts and things. I have some vinyls that I would like to hang up, and we would also like to install shelving.

I’m sad because I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to go about making candles anymore, as we don’t have a gas stove anymore and that was way nicer.

Nothing really interesting in this blog post, just a little update on my life. I wish that they prescribed xanax for moving. That would be really nice haha.

Today’s cocktail: Mint Chocolate Birthday Martini!

wpid-2015-07-24-03.47.12.png.png

This Martini is not very much different from my other Chocolate Martini, I just thought it looked pretty and fun with its little candle in it 🙂

Ingredients:

1.5 oz vanilla vodka

.5 oz Baileys or other creme liqueur

.5 oz Rumpleminz

whipped cream

chocolate syrup

candle

Mix all of the liquors and a small amount of whipped cream and chocolate syrup in a mixing tin with ice and shake vigorously

make a fun design with chocolate sauce a chilled martini glass

strain martini into the glass and add a dollop of whipped cream

add candle and sing!

This martini tastes just like a mint chocolate cookie and its pretty too! you can’t be sad on your birthday drinking this martini!

I made this one in honor of a girl who just started bartending for me whose birthday is today. Tasty!

countdown to moving day! 6 days!

Now thats we’re less than a week away from moving to a house, I am really starting to stress out. Especially because I wake up at like, 2pm every day and forget to get things done that I need done. We have yet to start packing but I have gone around and thrown away a lot of stuff that I don’t see myself needing.

Yesterday the Cape Girardeau Roller Girls put on a fund raiser for the Humane Society where they washed dogs at a local dog boutique for $20. Tiki is good and clean right now but she is shedding up a storm because it is just how pugs are.

Tiki getting her bath on

I am just ready to get the next 7 days over with so that I can be moved and all of the pressure of moving will be gone.

I haven’t felt the motivation to work on my writing and poetry because of the stress.

I am thinking that now that my bar is open until 1 am every night, I might start making drink instructional videos at night when I don’t have guests.

John and I have been doing the couch to 5k thing. We are on week 2. We are about to go running right now I’m just waiting for my phone to charge a little. We go running at 2-4 am so that there is no one else and also so that it isn’t so hot.

I’ll probably be inspired to write again here soon, I just have a serious mental block from stress. Its hard for me to even finish my school work. Luckily one of my online classes has all of the answers for all of the tests online.

I thought I would have more time to write right now but John decided that he wanted to go running RIGHT NOW. So until next time

So peeved right now

Sarah and I in 2004 when I was 14 and she was 11. Notice the ironic tshirts
Sarah and I in 2004 when I was 14 and she was 11. Notice the ironic tshirts

I don’t even know what to say. Today I found out that my younger sister is pregnant. This drives me crazy on so many levels. She currently doesn’t have the internet so I’m not really worried about her seeing this, and this is my personal blog and it’s just how I feel. Sarah has been dating this guy for about a year now. His name is Jeffery and I can’t stand him. Since she has met him she has made every mistake possible.

The first thing that happened almost immediately after they started dating, if noticed that he never left her house and he didn’t have a car or a job. The only reason that this affected me at all is because I had dated a guy like this about two years earlier, to a guy named Richard who never had a job or a car (or even his license, which I later found out that Jeffery also had suspended) and throughout the breakup Sarah was around and saw how bad Richard treated me, and how he moved into my house and started manipulating and leeching off of me until I couldn’t take it anymore.

The next thing that happened is that two months after they started dating, Jeffery found out he had a kid. In Ohio, three states away. Oh, and the kid is three, nobody told Jeffery about it. So he decided that he was going to move all the way over there to be with this child he had never met. The child is undoubtable his, he looks just like him. Jeffery does have some strong genes. Sarah decided to follow him, quitting her job that she has had for two years that she was just recently promoted at, taking her car that she had just recently gotten and was supposed to be making payment on. She also left her nice one bedroom apartment that was all hers for the first time in her life.

You see, Sarah is my half-sister and she was…passed around a lot between her father and mother and later, when our mom went to prison she spent the school week with our grandma so that she could go to private Catholic school where she needed to be driven. This was where I saw her on Friday nights while our mother was away. Our grandma is a very strict lady as she used to be a school teacher and a therapist for children so she has seen some shit. She also thinks that she knows everything about everything. Currently her health is declining and I haven’t seen her in a while. She spends all day on her couch watching Fox News and living in imaginary anger. She is literally angry about everything. My other grandma is nothing like her. Our grandma is so strict that she made Sarah go to bed at 9pm every night and always checked over all of her homework. At the time, Sarah was living rebelliously at her dad’s house on Saturdays and Sundays. She came out online as a lesbian and even got a girlfriend. Our grandma found out about it and was furious. Sarah moved back to her dad’s house at the beginning of 8th grade, and went back to public school. Our grandma was so angry at Sarah that Sarah tried to kill herself by taking a lot of pills. At the time, Sarah was a bit of a hypochondriac so she had a lot of random pills around the house. This was one of the most painful times of my life. I felt like I had really helped take care of Sarah when our mother was asleep during the day or wasted at night. I felt really betrayed that she didn’t talk to me about what was going on in her head and that she felt the inclination to off herself. After this I forgave her but I almost didn’t trust her. Which means that when she did it again, I became angry and we didn’t speak for over a year. Sarah dropped out of high school on her 16th birthday but got her GED immediately without even taking the class.

Before Sarah went to Ohio Jeffery proposed to her. This was weird to me because they had been dating about three months at this point. After she went to Ohio, she couldn’t find another job and they got kicked out of the place they were living. There was no real explanation for why they got kicked out. They were supposed to be living with his ailing father helping to take care of him. They were homeless for a time and eventually they came back without any money to their name and without a place to go here in town. Since our grandpa owns apartments, he set her up with a different one bedroom apartment and somehow she got her job back at Ruby Tuesday. Jeffery still doesn’t have a job or his license but he was driving around Sarah’s car that our grandparents bought her. Jeffery got a job but was fired, then got another job. In his first week at the new job he wreaked her car and lost that job too. Sarah was working as a delivery driver at pizza hut so she couldn’t do that anymore until she had a car again. She hasn’t had a job in about four months at this point. She has lost her apartment and I thought that she and Jeffery had broken up. She actually told me they did break up, but he never left her apartment, and he wasn’t paying rent. I guess they got back together, but our grandpa officially kicked her out at the end of this last month. He even got the sheriff to kick her out. Yes, this is the kind of thing that our grandparents do. They have all of this money but they royally screw Sarah all the time. In their defense, Sarah is a huge bitch to them, but that is really just her personality. She isn’t so much of a huge bitch as she is abrasive and unreliable.

So now she is going to have a kid and I’m genuinely worried about it. This kid is going to be my little niece or nephew and they are going to start their life out in a tough spot. Sarah is extremely pro-life (the opposite of me). I doubt that she will do the smart thing and give it up for adoption. I just knew she would do something like this. She has never been very good at making choices for herself.

So yeah, that’s what is going on in my life right now. John and I found a really nice house that we are going to be moving into in two weeks. When Sarah told me she was pregnant I just said “oh…that sucks” because I’m an insensitive bitch sometimes.