a little sunday night (or monday morning) nostalgia

I find it hard to find inspiration to write these days. Or perhaps it’s hard for me to find the time. It’s not like there is a lack of events in my life. Perhaps I’m focusing my thoughts on them instead of creatively.

I have spent the last twenty minutes of my life looking at the Facebook pages of a few people from my high school that I was on the verge of deleting after I saw that it was the birthday of one person that I never particularly liked. One thing lead to another, I wished him happy birthday, which I’m pretty sure is the first real contact I’ve ever had with this person ever, and I deleted him as a friend. This got me thinking about some of his friends and I decided to look some of them up. One girl who was always quiet in school is now a writer of short fiction and is living in Boston. Another is an engineer married to a doctor who just spent her summer on vacation touring the Philippians, South Korea, and China. Someone else had died three years ago overseas and I just found out. This shoots a pang through my heart because although I only partied with him when we were eighteen or younger, I still wish that I would have known about it when it happened and I have just been living the last three years not knowing he was dead. Life is strange.

In other news my younger sister is pregnant. She told me about it about two months ago and I have been moody about it to say the least. Our family is really mad about it because they are all close-minded Catholics that believe that it is a sin to not be married and have a child, and they fully expected her to get married to him. In a previous post I have talked about how they were technically “engaged” for a time then they broke up, and like many toxic couples before them, they got back together. Shortly after this downward spiral on the emotional rollercoaster that is my sister, they found out Sarah was pregnant. She told me first which was good. I think I took it alright, all I said was “that….sucks…” but since it has sank in a little I am starting to get a little excited about having a little niece or nephew and I am determined to be the cool aunt. After this last week though, I might have to be more than that. On Tuesday night when I was at work Sarah texted me asking to be picked up from the hospital at 1:30am. I picked her up and she explained to me that her boyfriend had gotten in a drunken fight with his brother outside of their apartment. There were neighbors who tried to restrain him and Sarah locked the door with the chain but he broke it open, breaking the door in the process. Sarah was yelling at him to stop and he got so angry that he through her against the wall and punched her in the side. When the cops arrived and tried to restrain him, he apparently fought back pretty hard because one of his charges is assault on an officer. The cop punched him when he was trying to restrain J, knocking some of his teeth out. So now J is sitting in Jail for the next week or so, until his trial, the baby is OK still, and Sarah filed a restraining order. Hopefully she doesn’t go back to him. This is not the first time he showed his anger towards Sarah and they are tied to each other now, through this baby. I don’t know how she is going to survive, much less take care of someone else. If she thinks her life is hard now, she has no idea. I just have to try to be a supportive sister even though I don’t agree with how she is living her life, and it is no use telling her anything anymore. She ill just do whatever she wants to do no matter what. Stubborn Sarah is what everyone in the family calls her. I look back five years: before the baby, before Jeffery, back when she didn’t even like guys and she identified as a lesbian. I know gender is fluid but I found it easier to picture Sarah liking women than men. Jeffery was her first boyfriend and he treated her like shit. I guess we’ll just see whats to come. She has always had a tough life, but she hasn’t seen anything yet.

2 thoughts on “a little sunday night (or monday morning) nostalgia”

  1. I am concerned about your sister. It seems to me likely that she will marry this Jeffrey because (1) her parents believe she should despite the abuse and (2) she is young, pregnant and alone.

    I was 24 when I got pregnant, to a man who was not abusive until I became pregnant. We got engaged, bought a house. I mean, how was I going to take care of a child all by myself and, being 24, I still believe love conquered all. But that’s not how it went. The abuse got worse over time, slowly, but still it was always present. And I brought my baby that I loved more than life itself into that man’s control. He would beat me in front of my child, he would not care if he hurt the child to get at me. And one day he tried to kill me and my son (today is his 21st birthday I am happy to say). And that is how it usually goes with men who abuse the people they claim to love.

    As I see you recognize, there is no happy ending for your sister as long as she remains with this man. The incident that you described is in fact a real blessing because the fact that he assaulted the officer and resisted arrest and abused her, that’s a nice little pile of charges that will allow her the time to put a plan together. A plan for where she will live, how she will take care of her child, a plan that will give her and her unborn infant the happy ending they deserve.

    The longer she remains “tied” to this man the more damaged and broken she will become and the harder it will be to leave for an abundance of reasons. There will never be a time to leave as good as it is right now.

    My prayers go out to her, the child, you and for your parents to recognize that it is a husband’s job to protect his wife not hurt her. He is supposed to build her up not tear her down. Jeffrey is not a man of God and the union is not supposed to happen. She is young enough she still has a chance and finding a good man who will support her and love her (for real) and raise that gorgeous baby she’ll have in her life. And as for being tied to him… not really. He put that baby’s life in danger. It may be his dna but he’s not a father.


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