Poetry

War paint

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bronzed and blushing

no visible imperfections

doesn’t look a day over twenty five

chiseled cheeks

giving authoritarian aura

fierce eyes

like a power suit

on a celebrity lawyer

everyone knows that she is not to be crossed

covering up blemishes

freckles on her nose

round doe like eyes

signs of countless sleepless nights

each day she puts on her war paint

giving the semblance of a warrior

hiding her unassuming soul

 

Blog

someone stole my bank account information

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For the first time in my life, my identity was stolen today.

That was a little dramatic, but still. Both of my checking accounts with 99% of my money are out of my immediate reach until my new debit cards come in.

I recently started being more diligent with my budget and had decided not to spend a bunch of money on food so maybe this is a good thing. it definitely helps ward off temptation not being able to access my money unless it’s during banking hours.

I suppose my Dominos account information was hacked because there were two separate charges from two different people in two different states. One ordered enough pizza to trigger my fraud alert on John and I’s joint bank account and an hour later my personal bank account was charged. I’ve never had something like this happen before. I’ve been completely out of money before, but having it and not being able to easily access it makes me uncomfortable, just like withdrawal from my various addictions. For example, if I know John has cigarettes I will fiend for them until I get them in my possession.

this should be a wake up call that my spending is out of control and although I’m not in a crazy amount of debt, I definitely live a little beyond my means.

I plan on using this time to make educated decisions on what I am going to spend my money on, and make a plan for the week. I also plan on letting others treat me instead of me treating them. That is part of my spending problem. I offer to buy people dinners and spend my gas with out anything in return. don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to do it. However I need to flex my “no” muscle once in a while.

Today I plan on catching up on some much needed cleaning since I’ve been working every day since the long weekend. Luca and I are going to go swimming as well, probably somewhere in Southern Illinois

Blog

Two Years Later

Its hard to believe that its been over two years since I posted anything. Honestly its been two years since I’ve written anything besides notes to John packed into his lunch.

I’m not sure what made me decide to go to my old blog. I must be going through a phase, like I do with playing The Sims or Cities Skylines, which I’ve done a lot of in the last two years. Probably too much. Maybe I want to relive some old memories.

I have deleted my Facebook once, only to reactivate it two weeks later.

I switched jobs to a better paying, more challenging restaurant.

I haven’t cut my hair since I posted on here about cutting it, in 2015.

We set a wedding date for September 2nd, which is right around the corner.

We adopted another doggo, Luca.img_20180527_151729

I am trying to get my finances in order so I’m not in debt for the rest of my life. Maybe I will share more later.

I always think I am going to write an epic post, but it always turns into a few short sentences.

 

Until next time,

S

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Blog

a little sunday night (or monday morning) nostalgia

I find it hard to find inspiration to write these days. Or perhaps it’s hard for me to find the time. It’s not like there is a lack of events in my life. Perhaps I’m focusing my thoughts on them instead of creatively.

I have spent the last twenty minutes of my life looking at the Facebook pages of a few people from my high school that I was on the verge of deleting after I saw that it was the birthday of one person that I never particularly liked. One thing lead to another, I wished him happy birthday, which I’m pretty sure is the first real contact I’ve ever had with this person ever, and I deleted him as a friend. This got me thinking about some of his friends and I decided to look some of them up. One girl who was always quiet in school is now a writer of short fiction and is living in Boston. Another is an engineer married to a doctor who just spent her summer on vacation touring the Philippians, South Korea, and China. Someone else had died three years ago overseas and I just found out. This shoots a pang through my heart because although I only partied with him when we were eighteen or younger, I still wish that I would have known about it when it happened and I have just been living the last three years not knowing he was dead. Life is strange.

In other news my younger sister is pregnant. She told me about it about two months ago and I have been moody about it to say the least. Our family is really mad about it because they are all close-minded Catholics that believe that it is a sin to not be married and have a child, and they fully expected her to get married to him. In a previous post I have talked about how they were technically “engaged” for a time then they broke up, and like many toxic couples before them, they got back together. Shortly after this downward spiral on the emotional rollercoaster that is my sister, they found out Sarah was pregnant. She told me first which was good. I think I took it alright, all I said was “that….sucks…” but since it has sank in a little I am starting to get a little excited about having a little niece or nephew and I am determined to be the cool aunt. After this last week though, I might have to be more than that. On Tuesday night when I was at work Sarah texted me asking to be picked up from the hospital at 1:30am. I picked her up and she explained to me that her boyfriend had gotten in a drunken fight with his brother outside of their apartment. There were neighbors who tried to restrain him and Sarah locked the door with the chain but he broke it open, breaking the door in the process. Sarah was yelling at him to stop and he got so angry that he through her against the wall and punched her in the side. When the cops arrived and tried to restrain him, he apparently fought back pretty hard because one of his charges is assault on an officer. The cop punched him when he was trying to restrain J, knocking some of his teeth out. So now J is sitting in Jail for the next week or so, until his trial, the baby is OK still, and Sarah filed a restraining order. Hopefully she doesn’t go back to him. This is not the first time he showed his anger towards Sarah and they are tied to each other now, through this baby. I don’t know how she is going to survive, much less take care of someone else. If she thinks her life is hard now, she has no idea. I just have to try to be a supportive sister even though I don’t agree with how she is living her life, and it is no use telling her anything anymore. She ill just do whatever she wants to do no matter what. Stubborn Sarah is what everyone in the family calls her. I look back five years: before the baby, before Jeffery, back when she didn’t even like guys and she identified as a lesbian. I know gender is fluid but I found it easier to picture Sarah liking women than men. Jeffery was her first boyfriend and he treated her like shit. I guess we’ll just see whats to come. She has always had a tough life, but she hasn’t seen anything yet.

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nocturnal

sky turns from navy

to an electric blue

broken by an orb of pink

growing slowly

over the Mississippi

A time not seen by many

when the day seems to slow

then speed up again

A man rides alone on his bicycle

weighed down by goods

from the corner 24 hour mart

a spider spins her web

invisibly in the corner of my porch

the air weighs heavy

alluding to the heat to come

a rare silence lulls over

the normally bustling street

broken only by the first birds chirping

and a siren perhaps miles away

as the world wakes up

i drink my tea to relax

smoke the last cigarette of the day

unable to sleep when the world is dark

finally able to lie down and let go

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Tonights Cocktail: The Gin Fizz

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1.5 oz london dry gin (I used Tanqueray)

1 oz fresh lemon juice

.75 oz simple syrup

egg white

shake ingredients in a mixing tin with a little bit of ice

splash a little club soda in the bottom of your glass (DON’T SHAKE WITH THE REST OF THE DRINK. or do, it’ll be hilarious

strain into a highball over ice or a martini glass like I did. The former is the traditional way to prepare this classic cocktail.

Garnish with a lemon twist

The person I made this for tonight was someone who wanted a unique martini that wasn’t too sweet. I think that this was a good choice. The guys who order them come in about once a week to have a few of my Shipwrecks or Irish Trashcans. These are the type guys who have ordered a drink by saying “I don’t know surprise me” So after pulling 100 different drinks out of my ass they finally found 3 or 4 that they drink usually in the same order every Thursday. These guys are college kids, I think they turned 21 recently. They talk about playing golf and smoking weed. Total fratbros, but pretty entertaining nonetheless.

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Finally moved!

We’re finally moved into our new place. This whole last weekend up until today has been me running around packing stuff, moving things, changing our address for everything, and also listening to and supporting my boyfriend who was initially excited about this place but due to some electrical issues he is less so.  None of the upstairs outlets are grounded so it is pretty unsafe, especially since he has a gaming pc and is touchy about it. We have a nice big backyard with a firepit which makes Tiki happy. We also just got our internet hooked up.

A good thing about this place is that I can finally start on some crafts and things. I have some vinyls that I would like to hang up, and we would also like to install shelving.

I’m sad because I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to go about making candles anymore, as we don’t have a gas stove anymore and that was way nicer.

Nothing really interesting in this blog post, just a little update on my life. I wish that they prescribed xanax for moving. That would be really nice haha.